It’s been said “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future”, and “The company you keep is a reflection of yourself”. You’ve also heard that “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we have those five people around us and that they are influencing how we are and where we are going.
You’ll realize that as you grow older, the number of friends you consciously keep becomes smaller, however, the people around you, and those you spend time with, be it at work or during your non-working hours will form your average set of friends. If your friends are crazy, then guess who you are; if your friends are broke, then guess how you are or shall be financially, if your friends are lazy, look in the mirror, if your friends seem to be going nowhere in life, so are you, if your friends are driven and discussing ideas and the future, guess where you are headed. Below are a few types of friendships that are unhealthy, and I hope you’re not one of them;
Types of Unhealthy Friends
- The Toxic Friend: The type of person or acquaintance who constantly brings negativity, drama, and stress into your life, draining your energy and causing emotional turmoil. They seem to always be coming from one drama to another and after speaking with them, you always feel worn out.
- The Manipulator: Someone who uses manipulation tactics to control and exploit others for their own benefit, undermining your autonomy and well-being. These person tries to make everyone agree with their point of view by whichever tactic.
- The Debbie Downer: The glass is always half-empty with this person. They consistently focus on the negative aspects of life, spreading pessimism and discouragement, making it challenging to maintain a positive outlook. Even the good things in life, they always think it’s a trick.
- The Enabler: Someone who encourages and enables destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse or unhealthy habits, hindering your personal growth and well-being. They’ll encourage vices and ensure they carry along disciples.
- The Energy Vampire: This is the person who is always taking from you. They consistently drain your energy, always seeking support and validation without reciprocating, leaving you feeling exhausted and unfulfilled.
- The Underminer: An individual who undermines your confidence, belittles your achievements, and creates a hostile and unsupportive environment, making you question yourself, even where you should not be questioning.
- The Gossip: Someone who spreads rumors and engages in malicious talk, creating a toxic atmosphere and damaging relationships. Always talking about someone, and be sure they’re also talking about you to someone else.
- The Opportunist: The person who takes advantage of others for personal gain, disregarding ethics and causing harm to your trust and well-being. Unfortunately, some bad leaders or poor managers fall into this category.
- The Procrastinator: An individual who consistently puts off responsibilities, influences you to do the same, and prevents progress and growth. Their lack of drive makes them want everyone to normalize poor performance.
- The Neglectful Influence: Someone who consistently neglects their responsibilities and commitments, leaving you feeling unsupported and unimportant.
I trust you might have identified some people you know from the above list – maybe even yourself 
. These characters if given constant attention or a good portion of your day, will make your life closely resemble theirs. Interacting with them should therefore be consciously done and as much as possible, limited. So how do you find positive people to spend time with for better influence? Here are a few things you can do to turn tables to suit your ideals;
What to look for in friends
- First and foremost, you need to know where you’d like to go and who you want to be. Make a decision on what you Value and your Goals. Clarify your personal values and goals to gain a better understanding of the type of people who align with your aspirations and principles.
- Seek Out Role Models: Look for individuals who have achieved success or embody qualities you admire. This could be through books, podcasts, interviews, or by observing those in your community or industry.
- Attend Events and Workshops: Participate in conferences, workshops, and networking events related to your interests or field. These events provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals who can inspire and motivate you.
- Join Professional or Interest-Based Groups: Engage in communities or organizations that share your passions. Connect with individuals who are enthusiastic about similar topics, as they can offer support and inspiration.
- Utilize Social Media and Online Platforms: Follow thought leaders, experts, and positive influencers in your areas of interest on social media. Engage with their content, learn from their insights, and connect with them online.
- Expand Your Network: Actively seek out opportunities to meet new people and expand your network. Attend social gatherings, industry events, or volunteer for causes you care about. Be open to new connections and engage in meaningful conversations.
- Engage in Mentorship: Seek out mentors who can guide and support you in your personal and professional growth. Look for experienced individuals who can offer valuable advice and share their wisdom.
- Embrace Positive Relationships: Surround yourself with friends and family members who uplift and inspire you. Foster relationships with those who encourage your growth and support your goals.
- Engage in Personal Development Activities: Participate in personal development programs, courses, or workshops. These provide opportunities to connect with individuals who are actively seeking growth and improvement.
- Be a Positive Influencer Yourself: By embodying positive qualities and actively supporting others, you attract like-minded individuals into your life. Positivity often begets positivity, creating a virtuous cycle of uplifting connections.
If you can do more and spend more time with the people that influence you positively, the higher the chances that you’ll become more like them. This is what we call the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Choose and determine your future. What will it be?
