Bullies are everywhere. We encounter them as early as childhood, in school, throughout our teenage years, and, surprise, surprise, they follow us into adulthood and the workplace. Bullying evolves over time, becoming more sophisticated in its forms and labels—now known as aggression, microaggressions, and bias. Some people experience these behaviors more frequently than others, depending on various factors.
I’ve faced these challenges firsthand during my career as a sales engineer in an engineering firm. On several occasions, customers would enter the showroom seeking solutions, only to make assumptions when they saw a woman in my position. They often presumed I was a secretary or administrator. One client, in particular, tested my general knowledge of engineering before he was willing to share his technical issues with me. I answered his questions instinctively, but later realized how offensive and unnecessary his test was.
On another occasion, a group of customers walked into the showroom and initially spoke to me, assuming I was a secretary. When they realized I was attempting to engage them on technical matters, they requested to see the gentleman next to me. They moved on to my colleague, only for him to refer them back to me as I was the most knowledgeable in the room on their specific issue.
As adults, we might use more sophisticated terms like "aggression," or more subtly, "microaggressions," to describe these behaviors. Microaggressions are often subtle yet pervasive forms of discrimination that can impact anyone, particularly in the workplace. These behaviors, whether intentional or unintentional, can create a toxic environment, undermine confidence, and hinder personal and professional growth. Fortunately, I had developed a thick skin from my college days, which helped me navigate these challenges.
Understanding Bullies or Microaggressions
Microaggressions are everyday, subtle, and often unintentional comments or actions that convey derogatory or negative messages to individuals based on their membership in a marginalized group. These could include questioning a woman’s competence in a technical or leadership role or making assumptions about her abilities. Sometimes this aggression can be conscious or subconscious, but the effect on the recipient can still be quite profound.
The Impact of Aggression
When on the receiving end of this aggression, you can face significant psychological stress, which can erode your self-esteem and leave you discouraged. When unaddressed, it can result in decreased productivity, increased turnover, and a lack of diversity and inclusion. Addressing these issues is not just about personal well-being; it’s also crucial for fostering a healthy and inclusive workplace.
Handling Aggression and Aggressive Situations
Depending on your temperament, you can respond combatively in the situation, or you could walk away a little bruised (putting this mildly). However, a few things you could do, which you can decide on way in advance, include the following:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
When faced with aggression, the first step is to acknowledge your feelings. Understand that your emotional response is valid, whether it’s frustration, anger, or sadness. This recognition is key to addressing the issue effectively. After all, you’re just human, and allowing yourself to acknowledge that feeling is key in being able to handle it.
2. Assess the Situation
Take a step back and assess the context in which the aggression or bias occurred. Was the comment or action a one-time incident, or is it part of a recurring pattern? Understanding the situation will help you determine the best course of action.
3. Respond with Confidence
If you feel comfortable, and depending on the circumstances, you could address the behavior directly. Use clear, assertive language to communicate how the action made you feel. You’ll need to be less defensive – I know that can be a bit of a challenge, especially if your emotions have gone on another level. This can help bring awareness to the other person and potentially prevent future incidents. If it’s a situation where you cannot express your frustration fruitfully, it might be better to remain steadfast and confident by not allowing the aggressor to win in their misplaced aggression.
4. Seek Allies and Support
Build a network of colleagues and mentors who can provide support and advice. Sharing your experiences with trusted individuals can help validate your feelings and offer different perspectives on how to handle similar situations. My colleagues were good allies whom we’d support each other in cheeky ways. Whenever we’d encounter an aggressor who demanded to see the manager for an issue that did not need one, we’d ‘convert’ one of us into a manager and have them ‘handle’ the situation.
5. Prioritize Self-Care
Dealing with aggression can be draining, especially if it’s coming from different directions. Make sure to include self-care by engaging in activities that help you relax and recharge. Whether it’s spending time with loved ones, pursuing hobbies, or seeking professional counseling, taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is essential. Positive self-talk for immediate self-care can help go a long way. Self-talk like “I know it’s not my fault,” “I’m good at what I do,” are some ways you can immediately counter negative aggression to keep yourself calm. Navigating aggression in the workplace requires self-awareness, confidence, and a strong support system. By acknowledging your feelings, assessing situations carefully, and responding assertively, you can protect your well-being and foster a more inclusive environment. Prioritizing self-care ensures you stay resilient, enabling you to thrive despite the challenges posed by aggressors and bullies.
