Did you know that you are your own worst enemy? You might be sabotaging yourself without knowing. To sabotage, according to Google means to deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct for some other advantage. Have you ever wanted to do something meaningful or something bold for yourself, only to talk yourself out of it? I know I’ve done that in many ways than I dare admit it.
Perhaps you’ve planned to go on a diet and lose some belly fat or some excess weight, or you’ve wanted to start an exercise regime just to keep fit. It can be that you’ve always wanted to start a hobby business or to change that job. Or that you’re keen to seek a promotion within the organization where you work. Perhaps you’ve had an eye on this someone that you feel you’d like to get to know more. But somehow despite having this desire, you find excuses why it will not be possible or you find a way to convince yourself that the desire is unwarranted or too ambitious. Self-sabotage!
It starts with your thoughts, and soon enough you manage to convince yourself against the pursuit.
The process of self-sabotage is purely based on emotions and there is usually nothing factual that begs to discourage you. Here are seven signs of self-sabotage;
- You’re too hard on yourself: You consistently think negatively about your abilities and seek to improve them before making a move, even when the improvement is not clearly outlined or required.
- You successfully turn a positive venture into a negative one: This you do subconsciously, again through negative self-talk and thoughts that you don’t deserve it. In turn, you look at it from a negative perspective. For example, you might have wanted a certain promotion but due to fear, you decide that that position is too political, or it’ll be too much for you, or will demand more than you are willing to give. Want to start a business? The business environment is so bad, and with all the government bureaucracies and tax issues, perhaps it’s not the best time to start the business after all. Perhaps that seemingly perfect partner is not for you, they’re most likely not interested in you.
- You procrastinate: You know what needs to be done, perhaps you need to make an initial contact or register your interest in a position, but you just don’t seem to find the right time to do it and you keep postponing it. You keep putting off essential or seemingly difficult tasks and thus avoiding responsibility.
- You have Imposter syndrome: You feel like an imposter even though you have good relations, a good career, and are healthy but deep inside you feel as if you’re not worthy, and like a fraud. There’s a constant fear that you’ll be found out. read the article on imposter syndrome here
- Reacting out of anger: You find yourself to be angry at the very thing you initially wanted to do, or are consistently feeling tired and annoyed at the thought of it, but you can’t pinpoint why you’re angry.
- You’re more frequently seeking solace through unhealthy relationships with the wrong people, with food, alcohol, or even through drug abuse. You are trying to hide from anxiety or stress through external short-term adrenaline gains.
- Over-Consumption of social media: You’re consistently seeking others that seem to have ‘made it’ and comparing your life with theirs, which leads you to even more depression. Alternatively, you’re spending quality time watching YT shorts and reading social media, and following socialite stories that’ll bring no bread to your table.
Self-Sabogate is heavily triggered by feelings and emotions. Your ability to control your emotions determines your ability to get what you want. How can you stop this self-sabotaging behavior? The place to start is to identify what triggers these emotions.
Self-sabotage is unhealthy but it is also a normal reaction that can be overcome. If you feel you’re sabotaging yourself in one way or another, here are some ways you can get yourself back into positive action;
- Avoid being overly critical of yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. We’re pleasant and patient with our close friends and would defend them with all our might and forgive them easily. We always think the best of them. On the contrary, how do you treat yourself? We’re naturally harsher on ourselves because we know our darkest secrets and can’t fool ourselves. As someone put it “We somehow manage to shit on our own excellence”.
- Surround yourself with positive people and avoid over-reliance on social media. We all have in one of our circles, people who’ll never see the glass as half-full, they always see it as half-empty. You are the average of the 5 people you spend time with. Do you need to change your friends? Be they the physical friends or the social media personalities you follow? Positive people will influence you to push yourself more.
- Meditate and reconnect with yourself. Most successful people create time to reconnect, think, and meditate. How often do you sit and reflect, quiet your mind, and appreciate what you have? The more at peace, you are with yourself, the more confidence you build in your abilities, and the more risks you’ll be willing to take.
- Keep learning. It is said that when you stop learning, you start dying. Learn anything. Read all types of books, both good and bad; they all add o your knowledge. The more you learn, the bolder you become. Become better at the thing you fear the most and nothing can stop you.
- Eat that Frog: Stop putting off essential tasks and always start with the difficult work first. Find out what’s holding you back, and work through it. Avoid the last minute.
- Become your own cheerleader. Write down your accomplishments. Be persistent in overcoming setbacks, and being intentional in everything you do. Don’t let chance and luck take charge of your life, be intentional and make a plan. Celebrate your small and big wins.
- Take care of yourself, eat healthily, sleep properly, and exercise. When you feel good about yourself physically, you become more confident. This balance will give you more clarity.
- Don’t avoid emotions as they are not the enemy, and don’t run away from them, instead, learn the triggers of these emotions and find a way of countering them. After all these emotions are temporary, don’t let your emotions make your decisions for you. Be self-aware and find a healthier alternative like walking, meditation, etc
- Stop comparing yourself with others, they did not start from where you did, and their circumstances are different than yours. We’re not all meant to be similar, chart your own path. Write down everything good about yourself, and your strengths.
All these point to one thing; love yourself; nobody who loves themselves will constantly violate themselves. Self-sabotage is a sign that you don’t love yourself enough, and thus you don’t believe you deserve good things. Good things make you uncomfortable.
Remember, it’s easier to point others to a solution that would work better for you - use that same solution yourself. Sometimes to overcome self-sabotage, you might require external help from a therapist or a coach - they can help you identify where and why you do this.
“When there’s no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm” @Eric Thomas
