Happy International Women’s day! A good time to focus on women’s self-destructive thoughts that serve us no purpose than to diminish our accomplishments and strengths.
Do you sometimes feel like an imposter when called upon to do something? Or even in your regular day-to-day work? Do you feel challenged when you’re given a high role that you know you are qualified for but somehow feel like an impostor? Thoughts like “they’ll discover I’m not that good, they’ll find me out, what if I’m not as good as they imagine me to be?” To give you some comfort, it happens to the best of us.
Michelle Obama also indicated that she still has imposter syndrome, she goes on to point out that we all have doubts about our abilities, about our power, and what that power is. A majority will tell you that they have had and still do experience these feelings occasionally.
Somehow for men, this is milder than it is in women. I too do experience this syndrome in various situations, like when I became a first-time mum and was given this little fragile being to take charge of and make decisions on its behalf; to being assigned roles at work that entails making decisions that will affect my seniors, to making a presentation in front of my peers or seniors, the situations are many.
Research has shown that women consistently judge their performance more harshly than they should. They shortchange their performance by attributing their success to the external environment and contribution by others; while men judge themselves more highly than they are and personalize good performance to their personal efforts and qualifications. When it comes to failure, the reverse happens, where women personalize poor performance to their own perceived inadequacies, while men will attribute it to the external environment and the lack thereof in receiving support.
Imposter syndrome can be liked to feelings of fear of not being liked, fear of being judged as a bad leader, a bad spouse, or bad parent, a poor worker, or an incompetent person. I think that being conscious of this fact is the beginning of overcoming imposter syndrome. Below are a few things that you can do to overcome this. Imposter syndrome is an inherent characteristic that will not go away easily, and therefore consistent habits that build you up are the way to go.
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Everyone feels like a 'Fraud'
Knowing that you’re not the only one that goes through this, is the first step in creating confidence in your own abilities. Imposter feeling is just an emotion like any other and should be treated as such. It is what you do with it thereafter that sets apart successful people and others.
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List your accomplishments
Give credit where it is due. Instead of waiting for others to point out your good accomplishments, list them out and look at them from time to time to reaffirm your strengths. You’ve definitely accomplished a number of things that you can be proud of. If you can’t name them, nobody will do it for you.
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List your skills
What skills have you acquired so far that makes you better than others? Everyone has had a different experience that has made them into the person they are today. What differentiating skills do you have from the rest that make you unique and qualified?
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Reframe your thoughts
As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Nothing is more true than this statement. If you think you can’t, then you really can’t. But if you think you can, surely nothing can stop you. Catch your thoughts and watch what you entertain in your mind. It is said that your mind cannot differentiate fiction from fact. Let the conversations you encourage in your mind be useful enough to serve your purpose. When a thought does not serve you well, ditch it.
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Keep an accomplishment journal
A great idea that I also need to start. Sometimes it’s hard to remember your accomplishments. Keeping a journal will help you remember these and will give you the much-needed boost to remember how good you are at what you do. Look at the journal every now and then, especially when you need a much-needed boost.
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Use physical changes to create confidence
This one works best when you’re going for an interview or making a presentation. Practice the use of power pose, wear outfits that give you confidence and compliments, and take strides that depict the character you’re aiming to show. Be the person you want to be, and act it until you believe it. Miles Munroe said if you want to emulate a powerful person but have nothing to go by, start as basic as walking and talking like him/her. That’s a start.
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Talk about it
Women tend to be better at this, though depending on the situation, it can be difficult to speak about it due to the aforementioned fear of being ‘found out’. When you’re able to name your emotion, it becomes less effective on you and is easier to overcome than when you’re unable to identify the emotion itself.
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Manage the inner critic
We are our own worst critics, we judge ourselves harshly and hardly give ourselves space and a chance for grace. Encouraging conversations with your inner critic usually, have you losing to the critic. Acknowledge your fears and concerns, but don’t dwell on them. Many of the things you tell yourself about a situation are not facts but mostly assumptions that need to be challenged and possibly negated.
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Keep a brag file
I’m certain that for most Africans, this is nearly considered a taboo and it may seem like blowing your own trumpet, something we’ve been taught to avoid, and perhaps that’s one of the things that keep us from sharing or realizing our own potential and accomplishments. Keeping a brag file albeit for private use will help you boost your ego from time to time, and will improve the inner critic to believe in yourself.
Whichever option works best for you, I trust you can find one or three ways to overcome impostor syndrome in whatever field you experience it.
