I recently came across a video of a public figure, speak about how she sent her daughter to another country to study. She, as any well-meaning parent, was diligent in ensuring the child’s upkeep was up to date and that she lacked nothing. She later on learnt that her daughter felt abandoned by the mother. Her exact sentiments were ‘my mother gave birth to me and threw me off to school”. This statement seamed to have deeply affected her, as it would any mother or parent for that matter.
I notice the parents who do school drop-off and pick-up daily and sometimes, look at them with envy. At the same time, I do look at all the accomplished women who have made milestones in their careers. Those who have broken barriers and glass ceilings, those who are leading the way in women empowerment and making a huge impact in our societies. I also envy them.
Sometimes we wish we could have the best of both worlds. We want to lay a good foundation for our future generations by showing a good example, but we also don’t want to lose them in our business. Is there really a win can anyone be perfect in both worlds?
The Perfectionist Trap
Do you find yourself striving for an elusive ideal? Does the pressure to be all-rounded and perfect infiltrate your life, from your work environment, to the expectations at home as a parent or spouse? Social Media does not help us either because it exaggerates how others are ‘killing it’ and are living their best lives.
Perfectionism, the pursuit of flawlessness, is a surprisingly common self-defeating habit. It can leave even the most high-achieving individuals feeling perpetually unsatisfied and exhausted. While the ambition to be perfectly balanced is a noble thing, the same perfectionism can take one to an unhealthy extreme. It can create unnecessary stress, hinder personal growth, and impact our relationships.
The Grip of Perfectionism:
The pursuit of perfectionism can manifest in various ways including;
- Your Health: You might have an ideal picture of good health. Maybe it's a specific weight or clothing size. Your ideal might be to go to the gym every day, or to exercise for an hour each morning. It can be to become a vegetarian or start packing healthy food for lunch. All these are good ideals, but remember, everyone's journey is unique.
- The Parent or Spouse: Seeking perfectionism can transform your home into a source of stress rather than a sanctuary. The constant need for perfect children and being a perfect parent or spouse, can cause unnecessary pressure and anxiety. Just because your friend's spouse does a certain thing for them, doesn't mean it should be the same for you. Create a system that works for your family, embracing a "good enough" approach to alleviate the burden. How can you compensate for the missed moments with your loved ones? Get a ‘good enough’ moment in it, quality, not quantity.
- Personal Growth Paralysis: The fear of pursuing some career goals due to academic qualifications or limited experience, whether perceived or real, can also be viewed as a form of perfectionism. It can prevent you from taking on new challenges, learning new skills, or taking up new challenges. Someone once said, ‘when given a challenge, first say yes, then learn how to do it”.
Embrace an ever-growing mindset instead of fearing imperfection. Look at failure as a stepping stone on the path to mastery, and celebrate your progress, no matter how small.
How can we seek a more balanced approach to counter this perfectionism trap? Here are some ideas;
- Embrace "Good Enough": Instead of striving for flawlessness, aim for "good enough." What can you do to make the situation more bearable for yourself, your significant other, and children? Can you find a workable compromise that’s good enough? Celebrate the good moments, learn from the less than perfect ones, and remember, progress, not perfection, is key.
- Focus on Quality Time: While being a fully present parent can be important, it's the quality of time you spend with your children and spouse that truly matters. Unplug, put away the phone, and engage in activities that foster connection and create lasting memories. This also works with career, always be present, where you are, When you need to apply yourself, do so. Living in regret or in dreamland will not get you far.
- Delegate and Ask for Help: There's no shame in delegating tasks to others, or even hiring help. With increase in technology, some tasks can be assigned with the help of technology – shopping, for example. Collaboration and shared responsibility lighten the load. This can also free you to be able to do your ‘good enough’.
The Power of Imperfection: By letting go of perfectionism, you can create a more fulfilling and sustainable lifestyle for yourself and others around you. Embrace the beauty of variety, we are all built differently, celebrate the small victories, and focus on fostering a positive environment. Remember, the best version of yourself is not a flawless image, but an authentic, wholehearted one.
